Re-Post/Expectations

There was a time when I actually thought it was wrong to expect good things to happen. Being raised in a very Negative family, we were always taught to expect the worst. Always. I still hear my dad (even after I was a grown woman) telling me as I was leaving his house, "Now be sure you don't get hit by a car when you cross the street to get in your car." And I grew up with that every single time I left the house when he was home only it was, "Don't get hit by a car when you cross the street." (I wasn't driving yet). My father was a very loving, caring, giving person, but for some reason he was so fearful of life. He just knew that catastrophe was just around the corner and that it was coming for him or those he loved. And sure enough, there were plenty of disasters that did happen, but now I'm convinced that the reason so much strife/bad luck came to our family is that he fully EXPECTED it. Luckily, my mother was a good counter balance, she tried to stay positive and to believe that good was just around the bend, but there were times when she too gave into the negativity and that's when things would really get bad. 

I lived that life for awhile, even in adulthood. I fully expected the world to shit on me and during those times I was expecting it, that's just what I got. It was almost as if the Universe was saying, "Oh, you want your car to break down? Okay--keep thinking that it will and your wish will be granted." And then there were times when I just knew I was going to be sick with a bad head cold or the flu and lo and behold! Within days I would come down with the grunge and feel awful and barely make it through with my achy body and sniffling nose... 

But lately, I've learned that I can fully expect GOOD things to come into my life and POOF!!! I get what I am expecting. I'm learning that expecting good things to happen truly IS a GOOD thing! There is nothing wrong with looking forward to better times, to envisioning the wonders and beauty of those good times, to actually focus on that pristine home, yard, car, on excellent health, on a happy and joyful heart.  I'm finding the more I expect and focus on those things, the more I'm RECEIVING those things! 

And too, I'm also becoming aware of all the wonders in my life that are true blessings. My friends, my home, my family of sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews and children, grandchildren and the beautiful blue sky above and the wispy awesome clouds, the lake that is near my home that gives me solitude and peace and a place to walk whenever I need to reflect and enjoy Mother Nature. Being grateful for all of these things makes me realize just how very, very lucky I am, how fortunate I am to be sharing this life with so many who love me and care, how fortunate I am to be able to become acquainted with those here on MJ and read and "feel" what they are going through and Learn from their experiences too. 

We live in an amazing world. I find myself feeling so thankful that I was borne into this time and age when I can chat and converse with people across the globe, where I can feel their presence whenever I am feeling a bit off kilter and out of sorts and know that someone so far away has days just like mine at times and they keep on keepin' on, just like I do! 

So...back to my main topic...Expectation--Try for just a few days to Expect GOOD and Wonderful things--Envision those very good and wonderful things really Happening in your life. Be specific--throw in all the details that you want to happen, that you hope to see and then begin to fully, fully EXPECT it all to come to pass. 

It's a little spooky--but it works. I've even gone back in my private journal and read where I had put forth a "prayer" or a "wish" and indeed, it did come to pass. Well, really it's not spooky--I mean getting what you ask for shouldn't be scary, should it? It's just a tad uncanny when you start noticing all the things that you've put out there in thought, in spoken word as hopes and dreams, wishes and EXPECTATIONS and then seeing it happen. Not always immediately, but eventually it all DOES happen. So now I truly understand the saying, "Be Careful What You Ask For, You May Just Get It." 

I don't know about you, but I'm going to make a concerted effort to EXPECT GOOD THINGS. I KNOW they're Coming MY Way and I am Hoping that You Will Know That GOOD THINGS are coming YOUR way Too!!!! 

Blessings to All!!!!     (2012 is going to be a GOOD Year)

Understanding Life, Love, Power

Another profound quote that just blows me away with its utter truth and simplicity.  Jimmy Hendrix was an enlightened soul--it's no wonder that he moved on as quickly as he did to his next existence.  I imagine he found  it a little difficult to mesh here--seems he was somewhat ahead of the times...


But he was so absolutely RIGHT.  Whenever the Power of LOVE overcomes and replaces the LOVE of POWER, the World truly WILL know peace.  Perhaps that's why I have found such an inner peace--it's not there every single moment of every single day, but I do feel as if my inner self is no longer at war with parts of me that I do not particularly like or understand.  I am learning to accept me and to try to understand me from within and to like who I truly am.  Why this turn around?  Because these last months I have been given a blessing of Love so profound and real that it rocks my world.  Not only am I given the beautiful love of one soul mate or two, but I have rediscovered my third beautiful soul mate -- so that as we can walk this path, explore and journey this life for however long it takes for us to find the PEACE that we all seek and desire to feel, to live.  


I will continue this momentous and marvelous journey as long as I am finding answers and reasons to continue on--but if ever I reach a point whenever I have absolutely NO MORE questions, then I know that it will be time for me to move on to my next plane of existence.  


But for now???  


For now I am loving every moment, every new discovery, every laugh or smile or song I hear from those I know and love, from my fellow man who is on this journey at the same time as I am.  So very many of us traveling through the lands, living on this beautiful and sacred planet of ours and so many of us yearning, hoping, looking to understand not only our purpose for being here, but asking why, why, why do things work out the way they do? Why are those in the human race so basically greedy and selfish and uncaring, save for a few?  But wait!  What if there are more who truly DO care, who are unselfish and giving and loving and I just have not met all of them yet???  OMG.  What a wonderful thought!!!  I have the opportunity to meet more and more people who love, who care, who share, who give, who enjoy life for the sake of living and not just for monetary or selfish gain!!!  Wow!!!


Aren't questions Magical?  And isn't it fun looking for the answers?  And isn't the MOST AMAZING AND WONDERFUL THING when we discover an answer that has been there all along and all we had to do was figure out what the QUESTION really was we needed to ask?


Damn.  Life is GOOD.  It just IS.

Lessons/Destiny/True Path

Each day that we awaken is another chance.
A chance to learn, to understand
A chance to listen, to care
A chance to give, to share.


As we stumble through this life
we strive to understand,
to learn the lessons 
that are unique to us--
to be open to all that is out there
and to choose the path
that we feel must surely be right.


Never doubt 
that all things happen
for a reason.
The Universe/God/Our Angels
and Spirit Guides
allow us free choice--
Yet always they are ever near
guiding, listening, caring
and pointing the way
to our true paths--
but never insisting.
Oftentimes
we receive a gentle nudge--
but sometimes so gentle and faint
that in our chaos of living
we miss the "hint"
and continue on
a path that is not really
true to the destiny that should be ours.


We must continue on
in good faith
that our inner souls,
our Universe/Angels/Spirit Guides
will continue to lead gently
with timely lessons
unique to each of us--
and in our diligence
to find our way
most assuredly
and without a doubt,
ONE FINE DAY
we will find our TRUE Path.  #

Love

I can so envision one day

Having you there

with me.

Love this!

Love you.

Reflections...

I catch myself sometimes

in quiet reflection

thinking of you,

missing you,

wondering

what if?...

what might have been?

And then it hits me

so clear and true

that the best gift I have

right now

is the gift

of knowing YOU

NOW.

How very fortunate,

how very blessed

I truly am

to have your love,

your friendship,

your care and concern.

How very happy

I am to KNOW,

(*yes KNOW)

that you are in this world

and in the here and now

and that I am too!

Just how lucky, how AWESOME

is that?

We both have survived

a crazy world

and somehow found

one another again

in THIS very

LIFETIME!!!!!

It amazes me

it captivates my imagination,

my sense of awe--

to know, to beileve

to rejoice

that our angels, our spirit guides

endeavored and worked so hard

to help us find

paths that would eventually lead

us to one another

once again.

Every thing that happens

is for a REASON.

I have always

and will always

believe that to be

TRUE.

You and I are a reason

to BE.

Just sayin'

I love you

and you

love me

and

LIFE

is

DAMN GOOD!!!!

(*thanks angels and Spirit Guides).

{I love my Blue Eyes

and he loves me too}--

Bottom line?

WE ARE BLESSED BEYOND BELIEF...

YEP--LIFE IS GOOD!!!

(THANK YOU DEAR UNIVERSE!)

Why Aren't You Here?

I keep thinking

I wish you could be here

Just to hold me close

to share these

awesomely beautiful

sunsets

with me.

Most days

I wouldn't mind

letting the sunrises appear

without an audience

of us two--

but every great once and awhile

I would LOVE

sharing the Sunrise

with you too.

Wait.

I think

I just wish

I could share it ALL

with you.

Perhaps one day

it will all

come to pass?

We can always

HOPE.

###

Day's End...

But sometimes I don't want the day to end.
Even when I am beyond tired.
There just seems to be so much
I still want to do,
that I still want to say...


Sometimes I wish, I wish, I wish
I could make the day go forever
just so I could do 
all the many, many things
that I want to do.


I wanted to draw today--
but then, I wanted to write too--
but I needed to work
needed to get so many things done
that I know I should do...
the wants had to wait
and now
my time is done.
Damn.
Oh well...
tomorrow 
is another day.
But
What am I going to do
when all of my days end?
I mean--
what will happen
to all these things
I so very much want to do--
when I am no longer here?
Will they just become phantom
thoughts
of what might have been?


I don't want the day to end.
Not yet.
I was just getting ready
for it to begin.


Damn.
#

Saturday Night Sunset/Bidding Adieu

I know that the time has come

that you have to return

to your real world

which doesn't include me

but still

I know too

that those moments shared

spending time with you

were akin

to a gentle and much needed rain

on this parched soul of mine

thank you, my love,

for taking the time.

I hope you will always know

to your deepest core

that this love we share

will last forevermore.

Old and Past Her Prime...

Though old 
and past her prime,
the sunflower still
has a beauty that prevails--
she still stands tall
and looks to 
the younger version
of herself 
and seems to say,
"Yes, enjoy it all now--
for in due time
you too will be old
and well past your Prime."
###

I Guess That Means "ME"....Hmmmm.......

I know, I know, I know.  So why can I not be happy?  Why do I not choose to be happy????  Well, things are gonna change.  I am the only one on this great earth of ours who can make or break me.  


Eventually I am going to have to come to the realization that it is indeed ALL up to ME.  I have control over NOTHING, NOT ONE DAMN THING other than MY VERY OWN THOUGHTS.


So what is my plan?  
To Get a Grip.
How?
To remember, to reflect, to open my eyes and see
just how very BLESSED I truly am.


And oh my god, I am blessed.  I have beautiful souls traveling this journey with me who love me just as much as I love them--who are here to listen, to care, to share. (Thank you, dear ones so much!)


I have my home that I adore and one day will have fixed up just like I need and want it to be.


I have OPPORTUNITY.  The opportunity to take better care of me.  Not ONE, but TWO gym memberships and the blessing of living very close to one and fairly close to another.  So, it's time to take full advantage of this blessing and make it work to my advantage.  


I have my life.  Though it is not exactly as I want it to be for now--by golly, it is still my life and I can spend each moment of every day trying to improve it and make it to be just what I need and want it to be.


So--here I go...

Reflections of Self

Sometimes whenever I watch the sun go down, 
I find myself reflecting, wondering...


Here I am
Another day gone.
What did I do today
that made a difference?
How will I make tomorrow
even better than this day?
And why do I feel 
that sometimes
my life is floating away
and that I have failed 
so miserably
at so very many things
I wanted to do so well?
Motherhood/Parenthood.
Though they are grown
and on their own--
I feel like I didn't do enough,
didn't give enough guidance and wisdom
(but I tried--it just wasn't ENOUGH)
I still try--
but sometimes I think
perhaps my window 
of opportunity is locked
with no key to be found...


And now love;
life mates, soul mates.
Trapped in this space
of yearning and wanting
but just out of reach
of what could have been--
knowing that what I have now
is no better 
than where either of them
have already been...


Shhh...
Those are secrets
I hesitate to reveal
secrets of the inside of me
that I try not to feel
so many secrets within
that it's so hard to know
where to begin
how to show
what all lies underneath
the whole of me.


Yet...
still there is this woman
who I try so hard to be;
Positive, loving, caring and free
but these secrets, these fears
do have a hold on me
and I often wonder, often reflect
how, dear Universe,
will I improve and be able to express
the naked truth of my soul
without making them regret the love
that neither of them can seem to let go...
I am just me.
But is that enough?


As the sun dips low
and I gaze at it's beauty 
through the parched and almost barren trees,
as I feel the slightest hint
of the hot, summer breeze--
I ache within for answers to come
I ache so much to just be numb--
but the god's honest truth you see,
is that when all is said and done--
I am just Me.
                              ###

Thanking You

I saw this and thought, "what a great idea!"--and so, I wanted to stop a moment and tell you, "Thank you."  


You have touched my life,  Not only this day, but for many, many of my days on this earth.  Even the times apart, somehow always you were in my heart, touching my life in all sorts of ways.  And now that I am able to hear your voice, truly connect, to communicate with you--it makes me so joyful and happy inside that I can tell you that I truly do thank you.  Thank you for loving me, for caring, for all the smiles you share with me.  Thank you for giving your hugs across the miles--and thank you too for all the times you've listened and shared your inner thoughts with me.


So, today I am thanking you.  Thank you, sweet Love.

See this sunset?  I watched it alone.
Sometimes (no,...all the time) I wish 
that I had someone to share it with.
Someone to stand beside me and see the beauty,
to feel the awe,
to share in the fantastic magic
that the sunset brings.
I can't help it.
I see the sun going down
and all it tells me 
is that this is yet one more day
that I have no one to share it with--
no one near who hears and sees and feels
the exquisite beauty that 
I see and feel.


What is it about we humans?
Why is it so important for us to share?


All I know is that every sunset,
every cloud,
every brilliant flower in bloom
is a miracle of nature
that I want, need, hope, wish
to share with someone
who truly cares
to see 
the magic and beauty
that I see.


Tell me,
tell me true--
am I wrong?
Am I silly or crazy
for wanting someone else
to share this with me too?


I wish I knew...

I Wish...

I wish so much I could share it all.  My life, my joys, my hopes, my dreams, my craziness.  I miss so much sharing, you know?  Just experiencing and doing and being with someone special.  I ache to give--to be a part of  life that includes someone else who wants to experience all the adventures.


I wish I had someone to travel the land with me, to go on adventures.
I wish I had someone to lead the way sometimes or to follow my lead now and then.
I wish I had someone who could watch movies with me.
I wish I had someone who would laugh at my crazy antics.
I wish I could run up and hug someone just because they're here and I love them.
I wish someone would run up and hug me just because they love me and I am here!
I wish I had someone to watch the sun go down with, to see the stars pop out at night, to catch the moon beams that shine down.
I wish I had someone to hold me close, to soothe me when I ache, to tell me everything is going to be okay.
I wish I had someone who loves me just because I am who I am.
I wish, I wish, I wish that one day soon my loneliness would disappear and somehow, someway someone special would appear.

Sundown

Once again, I see the sun going down and I wonder, will tomorrow be just as today?
I watch the setting sun glide away and all I can imagine is that one day, somehow, someway, someone will be there to hold me close, to watch the suneset with me.  please?  I hope it's not too much to ask...